Those Words given by My Father Which Rescued Me when I became a New Dad

"In my view I was just in survival mode for twelve months."

Former Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey expected to handle the difficulties of becoming a dad.

However the actual experience quickly turned out to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Serious health issues around the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was pushed into acting as her main carer as well as looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I took on every night time, every nappy change… every stroll. The duty of both parents," Ryan explained.

After eleven months he reached burnout. It was a talk with his parent, on a public seat, that helped him see he required support.

The straightforward phrases "You aren't in a good place. You require some help. How can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and find a way back.

His experience is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. Although society is now more accustomed to addressing the pressure on mothers and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the difficulties new fathers face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan feels his difficulties are part of a broader inability to open up amongst men, who often absorb harmful ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and remains standing with each wave."

"It isn't a display of failure to request help. I failed to do that quick enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, says men can be reluctant to admit they're struggling.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - most notably in front of a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental health is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the space to take a respite - spending a couple of days overseas, away from the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he needed to make a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states as well as the logistical chores of caring for a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she needed" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has changed how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son to better grasp the vocabulary of emotion and make sense of his parenting choices.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen was without consistent male parenting. Despite having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, profound emotional pain resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says bottling up feelings resulted in him make "terrible decisions" when in his youth to modify how he was feeling, finding solace in alcohol and substances as a way out from the pain.

"You find your way to things that aren't helpful," he says. "They may temporarily change how you feel, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Managing as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - when you are swamped, speak to a family member, your partner or a therapist what you're going through. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the activities that made you feel like you before having a baby. Examples include playing sport, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the body - nutritious food, physical activity and if you can, sleep, all play a role in how your mind is coping.
• Meet other new dads - listening to their experiences, the difficult parts, along with the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Remember that requesting help does not mean you've failed - prioritising yourself is the most effective way you can care for your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the death, having not spoken to him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead give the stability and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the emotions constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men since they faced their pain, transformed how they talk, and figured out how to control themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I expressed, sometimes I believe my job is to guide and direct you how to behave, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am understanding an equal amount as you are in this journey."